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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26119336">hetakuso (inadequate)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy__synthesizer/pseuds/happy__synthesizer'>happy__synthesizer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Given (Anime), Given (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, I listened to hetakuso and I couldn't sleep until I finished this, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, english is not my first language, mention of Original Character(s), mostly self-indulgent, sorry if there's any mistake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:00:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26119336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy__synthesizer/pseuds/happy__synthesizer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Even now, while standing in front of Mafuyu's apartment, he pinched himself just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Uenoyama was, for real, actually dating Mafuyu Satou; the same guy whom he had terribly fallen in love with after a few guitar lessons. The same guy whom Uenoyama was supposed to pick up and take a train to the beach with.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka, slight Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>103</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hetakuso (inadequate)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is mainly self-indulgent and I'm not actually expecting anyone to read it, to be honest, but after listening to Hetakuso for approximately two hours on loop I had to write it. Also let's just ignore that the timeline doesn't fit with the manga. I started out with a clear timeline, and the events are supposed to happen right after Mafuyu and Uenoyama became a couple in the series, but honestly I got confused,,, so,,,, just take it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Never, ever, in a million years, did Uenoyama Ritsuka think that he would be dating Mafuyu Sato. The thought of Mafuyu liking him back was a mere fantasy, which usually got disrupted by Mafuyu's ex-boyfriend, Yuki.</p>
<p>Even now, while standing in front of Mafuyu's apartment, Uenoyama pinched himself just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.</p>
<p>He rang the doorbell and leaned against the railing, waiting for Mafuyu to come out.</p>
<p>Uenoyama was, for real, actually dating Mafuyu Sato; the guy whom he had terribly fallen in love with after a few guitar lessons. The same guy whom Uenoyama was supposed to pick up and take a train to the beach with.</p>
<p>The door opened and there he was, shushing a barking fluffy white haired dog. Mafuyu was wearing a white shirt, orange shorts, and a backpack hung over his shoulder. Uenoyama rarely saw him not wearing his usual beige cardigan, and even less without full leg-length pants. Uenoyama just stood there contemplating Mafuyu while he locked the door and said good bye to Kedama and his mom.</p>
<p>"So, are you ready to go to the beach?"</p>
<p>"Mhm, I'm really excited", said Mafuyu, with one of those soft smiles that melted Uenoyama's heart. </p>
<p>"Did you pack everything? Toothbrush? Extra underwear? Sunblock?"</p>
<p>"Yes, mom."</p>
<p>"Glad my sarcasm is finally wearing off on you."</p>
<p>Mafuyu laughed, and if Uenoyama wasn't blushing before he definitely was blushing now. He pinched himself again, just to double check.</p>
<p>They started walking towards the train station, where they where supposed to meet with Haruki and Kaji. While Uenoyama was happy about this "date" with Mafuyu to the beach, he wished that the rest of the band didn't have to tag along. But the "date" to the beach wasn't really a "date" kind of trip, to begin with. A few weeks ago, a friend of Kaji had asked them if they could come to play at a local festival she was organizing in Minato Mirai, and they accepted the offer immediately. Kaji's friend offered them a one night stay at a fancy hotel, all expenses paid, and there was no way any poor band would turn down that offer.</p>
<p>Mafuyu didn't talk at all throughout the whole walk to the train station. But Uenoyama didn't feel the need to say anything about it, he was quiet most of the time, absorbed in his own little Mafuyu world. And he thought it was kind of cute. </p>
<p>Uenoyama looked at Mafuyu and set his eyes on his boyfriend's hand. The word boyfriend still left a weird taste in his mouth whenever he tried to say it, it was almost too good to be true. </p>
<p>While Uenoyama let his mind wander he, mainly-unconsciously, motioned to grab Mafuyu's hand but when their fingers brushed together, Mafuyu flinched.</p>
<p>They halted in the middle of the street, sun striking both of their faces, as the heat rose, but for various different reasons. Uenoyama stared at Mafuyu, who looked at him him with his usual sad-lost puppy look. This time he could tell that the look in Mafuyu's eyes meant confusion or maybe he was... annoyed?</p>
<p>Uenoyama then realized what he had been just about to do, on a street full of people, in plain daylight.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Uenoyama felt like a thermometer about to explode.</p>
<p>"L-Let's just keep walking!", he said.</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>Mafuyu kept walking, gaining a little bit of distance between the two, while Uenoyama just stood there dumbfounded while he stared at his own hands.</p>
<p>Exactly what was that look on Mafuyu's face?</p>
<p>The question bounced in his head, like the DVD logo on a black screen, each time connecting one negative thought with another.</p>
<p>Oh right, Uenoyama had tried to grab Mafuyu's hand. In public.</p>
<p>"Stupid, Uenoyama", he thought to himself.</p>
<p>But more than his own stupid action, he thought about how Mafuyu had flinched. Had it been only because he was aware that they were in public? Or did Mafuyu not want to hold hands with Uenoyama? No, it couldn't be that, they had already held hands in public a handful of times. But only at night. Was it that Mafuyu didn't want anyone to see them like that?</p>
<p>The thought pondered in his brain but Uenoyama tried to brush it off, telling himself that it was his fault and he shouldn't have done something so risky out in the daylight like that.</p>
<p>_______________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A few awkward minutes later they reached the train shuttle, where Kaji and Haruki were waiting for them.</p>
<p>Haruki and Kaji looked like a married couple waiting for their children, but if the dad were a compulsive smoker, and one piercing away from having more metal than skin on his ears, and the mom were a mix of sunshine with anxiousness and hair so soft it was almost as if you were touching silk.</p>
<p>They both carried duffel bags over their shoulders. Thankfully, they had already sent the instruments to the beach with a moving company (which had also been paid off by Kaji's friend).</p>
<p>Kaji waved a hand at them while swiftly tossing a cigarette to a near trash can with the other.</p>
<p>"Yo!", he eloquently greeted them.</p>
<p>"You guys took an eternity getting here! The train is about to leave!", said Haruki.</p>
<p>"Sorry, I took a little bit of time saying goodbye to Kedama, he was really sad that I had to leave."</p>
<p>"Well at least you're here now, let's get moving! If we're late Misato-san will definitely kill me", said Kaji.</p>
<p>Uenoyama looked at Mafuyu, who was still talking about Kedama with Haruki. He guessed that they had silently reached a consensus where it was decided that telling either of the guys about the incident that made them actually late to the train station wasn't necessary. </p>
<p>______________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The whole train ride Uenoyama couldn't tear his gaze off of Mafuyu, while Mafuyu couldn't take his eyes off of the window.</p>
<p>Haruki mostly slept with his hair on a bun while listening to only god knows what (probably a podcast) on his headphones, while Kaji-san spent about 85% of the whole ride on the "smokers allowed" section of the train. Seriously, that guy had to quit or he would die soon.</p>
<p>Watching Mafuyu just stare blankly at the passing scenery quickly became Uenoyama's favorite way of spending time, specially because every time they passed a farm with cows and other animals feeding on the grass, Mafuyu would turn his head with excitement in his eyes and just whisper 'Uenoyama look! Cows!' at him.</p>
<p>That, and getting to see Mafuyu sleep besides his seat on the train, were mostly the reasons why Uenoyama was bummed when they finally arrived at their destination.</p>
<p>As soon as they got off the train, the hot summer air hit them like a wave. Uenoyama thought it was good luck that Haruki had his hair on a bun, otherwise he would've  fried like an egg on the spot. Uenoyama wasn't a big fan of the beach precisely for that reason, he couldn't stand high temperatures, his palms got all sweaty and even playing guitar became a hassle.</p>
<p>Mafuyu on the other hand, was completely delighted as he ran off to the nearest viewpoint of the beach, while Haruki was busy calling the agency that moved their instruments and Kaji-san called his friend to set up their stay at the hotel.</p>
<p>Uenoyama ran after Mafuyu, who had already found an amazing gazer of the beach. He was inclining so far into the railing to watch the ocean that he looked as if he was about to fall.</p>
<p>"Oi, don't think about jumping into the ocean or anything stupid."</p>
<p>"I'm not, it's just that... the view is very pretty..."</p>
<p>His gaze deepened and he didn't complete the sentence.</p>
<p>Mafuyu did that a lot. He just stopped talking mid-sentence, without vocalizing what was actually on his mind.</p>
<p>But Uenoyama didn't press further on the subject, he knew that when Mafuyu didn't talk about something it meant that he wasn't prepared to do so, and pushing him to talk wasn't going to change that.</p>
<p>Despite that, Uenoyama turned his head to where Mafuyu was looking at. It was way past noon already and the sun was setting into the sea, like a huge yellow and orange glowing ball. And although, Uenoyama didn't particularly like the weather, he let himself bask in the dim sunlight, with Mafuyu standing besides him.</p>
<p>He looked at the salmon haired boy, his boyfriend (yep, the word still left a weird taste, even if he only thought about it), standing besides him, but something caught him off.</p>
<p>Uenoyama hadn't looked at Mafuyu's expression before but now that he paid attention, he noticed that he was doing that face Uenoyama hated.</p>
<p>Mafuyu looked as if he was just about to cry. All alone, but the tears wouldn't come down.</p>
<p>Did this had to do with what happened in the morning?!</p>
<p>Uenoyama panicked, because Mafuyu was his boyfriend now, and he didn't have to be sad while alone anymore, but he didn't know how to tell Mafuyu that. God, they both had so much trouble expressing themselves it was almost a miracle they were together now.</p>
<p>"A-ah Mafuyu, look! I think Kaji-san's friend is already here to pick us up!", said Uenoyama.</p>
<p>He didn't really know if that was true, because they were a little bit too far to see them, but Uenoyama hoped that the time they had spent watching the sunset was more than enough time for her to get here.</p>
<p>Mafuyu looked at Uenoyama, the look of sadness dissipating from his face.</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>"Let's get going, the sooner we get to a place with air conditioner the better."</p>
<p>"You don't like the summer, right Uenoyama-kun?"</p>
<p>"Nah, I prefer the winter."</p>
<p>"... I think I like the summer better."</p>
<p>"Hmm, interesting choice", said Uenoyama.</p>
<p>It <em>was</em> interesting, but it wasn't surprising at all. Uenoyama also didn't actually hate the season of summer per se. He had met Mafuyu that season after all.</p>
<p>__________________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After setting themselves at the hotel, Misato-san gave them the indications for their presentation at the Minato Mirai festival. <em>'We just need something small, really, we have already had so many acts and presentations during the whole day, but none of them from actual bands, so it would be the cherry on top if you played as the closing event'</em>, she had said.</p>
<p>They would only be staying that night, so after assuring Misato-san that they were more than happy to just play at the festival at all, they decided to head down to the beach earlier to relax a bit before the gig.</p>
<p>"Ok guys, since we're not playing until at least 9 PM we can all chill for awhile", said Haruki, changing into mommy hen mode, "It's 7 PM right now, so I want you guys at the stage no later than 8:30 PM, alright?"</p>
<p>"Aye, aye, ma'am", said Uenoyama.</p>
<p>Faint chuckles came from both Mafuyu and Kaji-san, while they tried to cover their faces to dissimulate the laugh escaping from their mouths.</p>
<p>"Guy I'm serious! If you can't take me seriously at least do it for Misato-san!"</p>
<p>Kaji-san, still laughing a little bit, patted Haruki's head.</p>
<p>"Yes, yes, guys come on, Haruki's right. But don't do it for Misato-san, do it for our mom"</p>
<p>"This is betrayal. I feel betrayed. I'll take my bassist polite ass away from here, you guys see how you fend off without me!"</p>
<p>Haruki stomped away, while Uenoyama and Mafuyu were still laughing.</p>
<p>"Ah-ah, no can do with him, he's way to sweet for his own good. I'll go get him, you guys go enjoy the festival until 9, see ya!", said Kaji-san, chasing after Haruki.</p>
<p>And he was left alone, with Mafuyu. They stared at each other in a kind of comfortable silence, that's what was great about spending time with Mafuyu, talking wasn't necessary.</p>
<p>"So... what do you want to do?". It wasn't necessary, at least not all the time. But tonight, Mafuyu looked distant. Inside Uenoyama's head everything started spinning like a clockwork. Mafuyu had been distant all day, that's why he had pulled away in the morning when he tried to hold hands.</p>
<p>Mafuyu looked at Uenoyama, and then stared at the boardwalk that went along both ends of the beach.</p>
<p>"I want to go to the ocean."</p>
<p>"Huh?! To the ocean...? Aren't the entries to the beach closed at this hour?-"</p>
<p>But he couldn't finish the sentence, Mafuyu was already heading down the path on his right, and Uenoyama was running right after him.</p>
<p>_____________________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Mafuyu!", Uenoyama wheezed, "Wait!"</p>
<p>He chased after the boy, passing through many vendors and festival games. Uenoyama had secretly hoped that in his "date" with Mafuyu they would be able to play some of those games, maybe he could even win a prize for Mafuyu, and they'd buy cotton candy or churros together and take pictures in the boardwalk like a cheesy couple. But apparently, Mafuyu had other plans in mind.</p>
<p>After running through a few more stands, Uenoyama caught up with Mafuyu. He was standing a few steps just before a railing that blocked the entrance to the beach. It had a sign that read "Closed past 7:30 PM". Uenoyama checked the time on his phone. <em>'7:45 PM'</em>, they had only about 45 minutes until the setup for the presentation.</p>
<p>"Mafuyu..."</p>
<p>Uenoyama looked at Mafuyu, who was staring at the ocean. The sea sang a melody that seemed to align with the breeze, which lightly brushed along the boy's hair.</p>
<p>"I really like the summer, Uenoyama-kun. I like the summer."</p>
<p>Three beats followed. In which the first, Uenoyama's breath got caught up in his windpipe, rendering him unable to breath. Mafuyu looked so beautiful at that moment, time stopped for him. In the second beat Uenoyama saw a tear. And in the third beat his body moved on it's own.</p>
<p>He held onto Mafuyu as if the boy was made of paper, and even the light breeze could carry him away.</p>
<p>"It's summer Ue", his voice broke, "... tomorrow's June nineteenth."</p>
<p>Uenoyama felt the tears soaking in his shoulder, and he just held onto Mafuyu tighter, afraid. Understanding fell upon him. He didn't need for Mafuyu to finish the sentence.</p>
<p>"It's his birth day. It... was." More tears.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Mafuyu pulled away from Uenoyama, and jumped over the railing. He started running farther down the beach, getting lost in the docks.</p>
<p>"Ah- Oi! Mafuyu!", he clicked his tongue. Damnit, even though there was no way he could've known, Uenoyama kept telling himself that he should have. He should've known, and he should have been more understanding of Mafuyu earlier.</p>
<p>"Damnit!" But what annoyed Uenoyama the most was that deep inside him, he still felt it. That bitterness towards Yuki that turned into jealousy when Uenoyama let the negative thoughts in his mind get the best out of him.</p>
<p>But despite all that, despite the mess in his own head and all his emotions surging up at once, Uenoyama jumped over the railing, chasing after Mafuyu.</p>
<p>___________________</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With the orange cardigan he was wearing that night, it was easy to spot him seating at the edge of one dock. Uenoyama sat besides him. Mafuyu still had tears glistening in his eyes, which were lost deep into the ocean. Uenoyama had seen him like that before, and he hated it. He was crying, aching, hurting, all alone.</p>
<p>He passed one arm through Mafuyu's shoulders and brought him closer to himself. Uenoyama squeezed him, trying to tell him that he was there. That he would hear him if he needed to talk, even if Mafuyu wasn't good at expressing himself, Uenoyama would still hear him, no matter how long he had to wait for the right words to come out.</p>
<p>"I'm here."</p>
<p>Mafuyu sniffed and cleaned his eyes with a swipe of his arm.</p>
<p>"I know. I just miss him so much. And... I just keep remembering how he had told me once that he wanted to come to the beach with me for his birthday. It's too much. I'm sorry", he sniffed again, "you probably don't want to hear me talk about him-"</p>
<p>"Are you stupid?", said Uenoyama, shaking Mafuyu by his shoulders.</p>
<p>Mafuyu looked at him, with the saddest lost-puppy look Uenoyama had ever seen.</p>
<p>"I don't care if you talk about him. I don't care what you talk to me about Mafuyu. As long as you talk to <em>me</em>."</p>
<p>Uenoyama shook Mafuyu again, emphasizing each word.</p>
<p>"You are not alone anymore. You don't have to go through this alone. You have me. You're my boyfriend, and <em>I know </em><em>you</em>. I know you are still hurting, but you don't have to be lonely anymore. Not when you have us... not when you have <em>me</em>."</p>
<p>Mafuyu looked down at the sand, his hands were covering his face and he was shaking. Uenoyama hugged him again. Tighter, <em>''I'm here."</em></p>
<p>"Ue... you're crushing me", muffled Mafuyu.</p>
<p>"Ah! I'm sorry!", said Uenoyama, releasing him.</p>
<p>Mafuyu then stood up and walked onto the sand, away from the dock. He laid down, face looking up at the night sky, and he patted down his side, inviting Uenoyama to lay down besides him. He complied.</p>
<p>"You're right Uenoyama-kun. I'm not alone."</p>
<p>Uenoyama looked at his face. He was staring at the stars, his eyes no longer lost in the vastness of it all, but contemplating it, taking it all in, and admiring it. He was becoming one with it. And then, he turned over his head and their eyes locked.</p>
<p>Uenoyama gasped for air. Even now, seeing Mafuyu like this still left him breathless. His eyes were the most beautiful eyes Uenoyama had ever seen. And those eyes were staring back at him, the same way they contemplated the sky, with lovingly fondness.</p>
<p>Then, Uenoyama felt a hand hold his own. Mafuyu squeezed his hand, interlocking their fingers, and Uenoyama squeezed his boyfriend's hand back.</p>
<p>"It's a weird word isn't it?", said Uenoyama.</p>
<p>"Which one?"</p>
<p>"Boyfriend. Boyfriends."</p>
<p>Mafuyu looked at him, with disbelief in his face, and then he started laughing. Openly giggling. Out loud laughing.</p>
<p>"W-what?! It's true, it feels weird! I've only ever though about it, but it feels even weirder to say it, as if like I don't know it feels weirdly formal and official and I don't even know if you refer to me that way when you talk about our relationship and-"</p>
<p>Mafuyu pressed a kiss into his lips, and Uenoyama melted, and then he kissed him back.</p>
<p>"It is weird, but I like it. <em>You're my boyfriend, Uenoyama</em>, we're both weird. A weird word is more than adequate."</p>
<p>"More like inadequate."</p>
<p>They both bursted out laughing, pulling each other closer. Drifting away in the sand and merging with the starry night sky...</p>
<p>Completely forgetting the fact that they were supposed to be at the stage preparing for the gig 25 minutes ago, and that at that same moment Haruki-san was being consoled from a panic attack by Kaji-san. All while Mafuyu and Uenoyama laughed in the sand. They didn't mind Haruki's reproach though, nor did they mind the beach guards kicking them out of the beach, because, after all, they were inadequate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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